DEAR ABBY: I’m writing as a result of I’ve a really onerous time making dialog. I learn your mom’s booklet which suggests asking individuals questions on themselves to stimulate dialogue.
Apparently, I’m doing one thing incorrect as a result of household and mates accuse me of “interrogating” them. I’m not! I’m really simply attempting to talk. I’ve additionally failed a number of job interviews, so I have to be lacking one thing.
What’s the proper approach to have a dialog? How many questions are too many? How do I make amends to the individuals who aren’t talking to me anymore? I truthfully by no means meant to offend anybody. — IGNORANT, NOT INTERROGATING
DEAR “IGNORANT”: You could have taken my late mom’s recommendation too actually. What she was attempting to convey is that persons are often interested in those that discover them fascinating, and asking a query is a dialog opener and a approach to attract somebody out.
However, conversations are purported to be an EXCHANGE of data. Because individuals accuse you of “grilling” them, chances are you’ll be asking a barrage of questions with out giving something again. A greater instance of a dialog starter is perhaps:
“How was your weekend? We went skiing on Sunday afternoon.” Then describe one thing that occurred. (Saw the cutest household, bought a nasty sunburn, and so forth.)
Or:
“Did you hear about (insert news item). I was really surprised (shocked, fascinated, etc.).” Express the way it affected you and ask what the particular person thinks about it.
Then LISTEN.
You could have higher luck with this strategy.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I’ve been married for 10 years. I misplaced my job and have had no luck discovering one in our small Florida city or the encompassing space, so I began wanting elsewhere. I discovered an excellent alternative in Nashville and bought the job. It meant I needed to transfer, however my husband refused to maneuver with me. He’s a technician so he can work wherever.
We each used to dwell in Nashville; it’s really the place we met. I couldn’t go up the job as a result of I’m 53 and will not get one other alternative like this.
It has been eight months and we’re nonetheless residing in two completely different states. I’m pleased in Nashville as a result of I visited typically after we moved away and I at all times missed it. Not solely do I not WANT to depart, I can’t afford to.
I by no means stopped searching for a job in Florida, however there aren’t any that pay wherever near what I’m incomes right here. My husband could possibly be making a minimum of $20,000 extra a 12 months right here if he moved, however he completely refuses. I’m unsure what to do. I like and miss him. He hardly ever visits me. I need to go to Florida if I wish to see him. Help! — LONG-DISTANCE LOVE
DEAR L.D.L.: It seems you might have an vital determination to make. What is extra vital to you, your marriage or the cash? That you need extra monetary safety is comprehensible. You want to know EXACTLY why your husband has taken the stance he has. Once you might have the reply to that query, you’ll have a greater understanding of what it’s worthwhile to do. A trusted mediator might be able to assist the 2 of you to enhance your communication.
TO MY READERS: I want you all a joyous and significant Christmas. Merry Christmas, everybody!
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teenagers must learn about intercourse, medication, AIDS and getting together with friends and fogeys is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your identify and mailing handle, plus verify or cash order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and dealing with are included within the value.)