DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I married in our early 40s. I’ve given my all to her, however I’ve at all times felt underappreciated.
I at all times wished to be a father, however she didn’t need to have children. After we had been collectively for a number of years, she modified her thoughts, so we determined to strive for a kid and had been shocked to find after solely every week of attempting that we had been pregnant. Just a few months in the past, we had been blessed with our lovely, wholesome daughter.
My spouse had problem with breastfeeding, so she determined to cease and solely bottle-feed. I’ve been supportive of her determination, however she nonetheless feels unhappy and responsible about it. I’ve accomplished all I can to encourage and luxury her, however she simply brushes me off.
I really like my spouse with all that I’m, however I don’t really feel beloved in return. Since we began courting, she has at all times known as me “Babe.” Now she calls me by my first identify. I inform her I really like her day by day, however she hasn’t mentioned it again because the child was born. She additionally doesn’t say goodnight when she goes to mattress.
We haven’t kissed in virtually two months. I obtain no affection from her; she by no means even touches me. I don’t care about not having intercourse, however she gained’t even contact my arm or attempt to maintain my hand. I really feel alone and lonely in my own residence. What can I do to vary issues? — HEARTSICK HUSBAND
DEAR HUSBAND: Tell your spouse what you might have written. She could also be feeling overwhelmed and exhausted from taking good care of a brand-new child, or undergo from a typical situation known as postpartum despair. (It’s generally known as the “baby blues” for a motive.) Urge her to debate how she has been feeling together with her OB/GYN as a result of, with medical assist, the situation is treatable. Please don’t wait as a result of the earlier that is handled, the higher it is going to be for all three of you.
DEAR ABBY: I just lately housesat for a buddy and her household whereas they had been on trip as a result of they wanted somebody to water their crops and take out their canine. Cleaning is a favourite pastime of mine, so whereas I used to be there, I did some tidying up. I didn’t enter any of their bedrooms and solely did small duties comparable to vacuum and mop the widespread areas. I genuinely thought I used to be being thoughtful by going above and past.
When they returned, they appeared shocked and even barely offended, and made jokes about how I have to suppose they’re messy. At the time, it appeared effective, however I perceive now it could have been misinterpreted.
Did I cross a boundary, and may I keep away from doing this sooner or later? How ought to I apologize? I really feel horrible for offending them. — CLEANING’S MY THING
DEAR C.M.T.: Stop beating your self up and ASK your buddy if she was offended that you just mopped and dusted when you had been housesitting. If the reply is sure, apologize. And whenever you do, clarify that you’re considerably of a “neatnik” and thought they’d be happy to return house and discover fewer chores needing to be accomplished. If she’s actually offended, you gained’t be requested to housesit once more, however I’ve a powerful hunch you’ll be.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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